“Krista, I’ll be praying for you and your anger,” she said to me while sitting on my left.
The other woman, sitting on my right and blocking the only exit, chimed in, “Your anger is not what God desires for you.”
In all honesty, I should have known the comments were coming. I had shared recent offenses that placed my family and my husband’s livelihood in a rough spot, and I was angry.
My anger was a natural response to the harm and offense. I can’t imagine anyone having lived through this and responding placidly. My fault rested in sharing with an unhealthy community who flinched at unprocessed realities and emotions.
Many years have passed from that moment of raw-sharing, and the Lord has done a great work in my life, especially in regard to my anger and need for control.
Yet, I cannot deny the intense fire He has kindled within my inward parts for the silenced.
When Paul writes in Romans,
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek (1.16),
my heart swells and quickens, drives the pulse of my desire to come alongside my sisters in Christ–who have suffered–and share with them this powerful God who heals completely and fully.
In the early part of my healing journey, it sickened me by the responses of a good many Christian women when I would share my story.
Early in my journey, I heard many “I’m sorry” responses and many responded in horror. My heart ached and yearned for a righteous-anger response.
Where is the woman of God who feels righteous anger for the perverse nature of sin that takes place against children, against their own sisters in Christ?
Most women have been schooled–quite well, mind you–to manicure their emotions, in such a way, to represent ONLY the fruit of the Spirit.
Make no mistake. I am not suggesting that women halt seeking the manifestation of the fruit of Spirit in their lives. However, I do wonder where righteous anger, tenaciousness, resilience, and valor fit in with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Through my healing journey, I have taken great comfort knowing that God saw me when I was being abused and knowing that God was angered by the violation.
God saw, and God was angered.
- God was angered by the violation because the offense took the beautiful gift of sex–originally for husband and wife alone–and turned it into something far different than His original intention: union of marriage. Instead, sexual abuse creates disunion, chaos, pain, and soul scars.
- God was angered by the violation because the offense affronts His authority as All-Knowing. In His knowledge of man and sin, He put limitations on how sex was to be implemented. In man’s arrogance, he manipulates God’s boundaries, thinking he knows better than God.
God still sees, and God stills gets angry.
Knowing that God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, my anger–even as just as it may be–will never supersede that of God’s. His anger will always be perfect.
My anger? Only sometimes.
As you scroll through your Facebook newsfeed, listen to the nightly news, or catch up on worldly endeavors blogged about on WordPress, consider this.
Great harm is happening right now.
Yes, right now, in the Middle East, unspeakable horrors are happening.
Beheading of children.
God-only-knows what else.
For those of us in the States, it’s quite easy to read about it, hear about it, feel sadness or even hurt, whisper a quick prayer of relief that it’s not us, and move on.
I don’t know about you, but I am about sick-to-death of the soft-set vanilla pudding in female Christianese.
I desire to be a woman who feels deep anger and discontent with sin–especially against women and children.
I desire to be a woman who falls on her face and shakes and cries and begs the Father of ALL life for mercy, mercy, mercy for my brothers and sisters in Christ who are suffering the unspeakable.
I desire to be a woman who unmutes her lips and speaks up and says: “Cry out to the Lord! Beg of Him for mercy because of your sin!” and “Lord, wipe out every last one who fails to repent! Bring justice, Lord. Do not delay! Come, Lord Jesus, Come!”
I desire to be a woman who flinches not at the realities of the sexually abused in my own midst.
What’s happening in the Middle East is unspeakable. It’s sin at its unchecked height.
But similar unspeakables are happening here.
Down the street.
In my city.
In your city.
And, yet, we are angry, not because humanity is violated, but because our team didn’t win the big game, our coffee is too cold, or the price of gas increased $.75 to the gallon.
Open your mouth for the mute,
For the rights of all the unfortunate.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
And defend the rights of the afflicted and needy (Prov. 31.8-9).
It’s time to feel the righteous anger God feels and speak up for those who can’t, for those who are consumed with survival, for those far off and those right under our nose.
Yes, I have an anger problem.
Yes, I beg Him to heal me of it.
And Yes, I ask Him to trust me with His righteous anger, so that I might speak for them, for Him, for His glory.
“Mighty One of Heaven, flex your muscles, speak the word, and make it stop! Come, Lord Jesus, Come!”
What’s your next step?
Experiencing a range of emotions, including anger, is healthy and normal. Where are you in the range of emotions? It’s often common for the abuse survivor to feel “numb” or to feel “angry” as the dominant emotion. Talk to someone safe and who knows you. Ask them what they see in you, in terms of your ability to feel and express emotions.
Validation of hurt can come through the listener’s anger upon hearing the story. Consider your response to sin and dark trauma. Won’t you allow yourself to feel the anger, but then release it to the Father in prayer, begging of Him to intervene, to make it right, to secure justice and provide mercy?
Join me on the healing journey.
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